Tuesday, 6 May 2008

Marriage - Sharing or Dominating ?

Geetanjali, an ad executive and I have been friends for eons. I met her recently at a party. I was shocked to realize that Jill as we call her, had quit her career in advertising after her marriage to a lawyer. "With him in Calcutta and me in Mumbai, I felt it wasn't worth it," was her reason.

Can't really digest the fact that six years ago, this woman wanted to be the next Tara Sinha! Anyways, can't really blame her; isn't this what majority of the women do after marriage? Once the wedding date is fixed, her career is more or less history. All her career related goals and dreams go down the drain.

Today in most of the Indian homes, a girl's education is seen as a passport to getting a better match

Some serious minded and focused women even burn the midnight oil, so they can make it big. Was all that studying only to give it up so easily, worth it? It gets me thinking why a man can't compromise when it comes to his career? Why should a woman always make the sacrifices? Couldn't Geetanjali's husband have relocated his practice to Mumbai so she could have pursued her dreams?

When I discussed this with my other friends, Meera, one among them told me that it was all due to social conditioning and individual upbringing. In our society, the boy child is encouraged to play the dominant male role, while the girl child is taught to be submissive.

And I had thought this happened only in the Stone Age! Some women select courses in college, as they would look good on their resumes. We're not talking about career; we're talking about marriage. It amazes me that even today in most of the Indian homes, a girl's education is seen as a passport to getting a better match. How else can you explain a boom in computer related courses... girls looking for NRI software engineers know their chances get better when they're technically qualified.

I think the parents are to be blamed for reducing their daughters to this state. They not only stereotype her but also stand and watch her ambitions being thwarted. I can't believe my ears when I hear one in the group saying, "It's easier when he decides. It's so difficult to cope in competitive fields after marriage. New responsibilities now play a major role. When the kids come, things only get worse."

If women can take decisions in boardrooms today, why can't men whip cream and change nappies at home? After all what's wrong in sharing responsibilities? Why should a woman be the lone homemaker?

Men better get this straight, shape up and help her pursue her dreams. After all, marriage is all about sharing.

1 comment:

Ramya said...

Way to go! To hear a guy voice his opinion on this and in this manner - my day has not been all bad :) !!