Its just a risk to be honest

We grow up listening to popular sayings such as ‘Honesty is the best policy’, and often use these cliches in conversations. If a continuum were to be drawn placing honesty at one end and dishonesty at the other, most of us would want to be bunched around honesty. This is quite natural and it probably feels good to have nice opinions about oneself. However, if truth and honesty lent themselves to such simplistic interpretations, then there would have been little need of useful tools such as tact and diplomacy.

So, the question arises as to how honest we really are in our everyday lives? When we encounter a situation or a person, there is an immediate first instinct about it; we may say, form a favourable or unfavourable opinion. But we try not to rush out our unprocessed thoughts bluntly. We judiciously weigh in the likely impact of words before allowing others the opportunity to hear from us. If our initial, honest thoughts have to be trussed up in a garb of propriety, then in a way we may be shearing them of some of their purity. We may carry this process so far that what we eventually verbalize could only be nominally representative of our true feelings. Opposing theorists to this enterprising human ability would jump to explain away dressing up of words with labels such as tact, diplomacy, discretion, etc. Whatever euphemism they may wish to employ, it boils down to the fact that we often prefer not being unconditionally honest.

Imagine a situation in which you are an esteemed guest at a wedding function. You are expected to admire the remarkable job that the beauty parlour has performed on the bride. Words such as ‘Her natural beauty has been brought out’ would suit the occasion superbly. You might be a bit suspicious of the type of natural beauty that requires such an unnaturally large amount of money to become visible. Despite your inner doubts, you will find yourself giving a generous comment such as: “Oh, it seems as if a heavenly being has descended from the Heavens to sit on an earthly stage.” And if you are really good, your facial expressions will also back your ‘heart-felt’ praise.

Sometimes, one happens to see a foreign dignitary from a developed economy being interviewed on television. The host interviewer inquires hopefully: “Do you feel that in the coming decades this country could achieve what yours has accomplished?” Even if deep down the dignitary holds the view that in many ways the interviewer’s country first needs to graduate from the 16th century to perhaps start thinking of making it big in the 21st century, what do you expect his reply would be?

“Most certainly. I have seen tremendous potential in the report of some kind. In due course he furnishes a report that is fine enough to make the exasperated boss burst into tears. The boss may think: “Is this shoddy work supposed to be the best that this chap can come up with! Oh boy, wouldn’t I just love to give him a piece of my mind, if not for the fact that he’s the Director’s nephew!”

Needless to say when the Director inquires about his young protege’s progress, the boss exclaims with gusto that he is one of the most promising employees to have joined the company in many years.

Then there are certain career tracks that have acquired a significant notoriety in common vocabulary. Politics and politicians generally find it hard to be mentioned in a good light in our drawing-room discussions. We know their promises carry as much weight as a feather caught in a vicious tornado. Yet, we insist on putting the ‘poor’ politicians through the torture of taking oaths of honesty, selfless service, etc, before assuming their august offices. One wonders what those luminaries are actually thinking at the time of their swearing-in ceremony.

After considering these scenarios, one can safely conclude that the misguided gentleman who first came up with the golden yet precarious ‘Honesty is the best policy’ must never have managed to make any friends and must have lived on a remote, uncharted island for most of his incredibly idealistic life.

A Son's Challenge - Being a better Father

The first time I called my Dad to invite him out for dinner, my Mom answered the phone. I said, "Hi Mom, let me talk to Dad."

My Mom said, "What's wrong?"

I said, "Nothing's wrong, let me talk to Dad."

"Something must be wrong. Tell me."

"Nothing's wrong." I said. "Put Dad on."

My Dad finally came to the phone. He said, "What's wrong? Do you need money? Are you in trouble? What's going on?"

"Nothing's wrong," I said. "I thought it would be nice for you and me to spend some time alone together."

"Why?" he asked again, a bit more agitatedly. "Are the kids OK? Is your wife OK?"

"Yes. everything is OK," I reassured him. "I want to spend some time alone with you."

"OK," he said. "But why don't we bring the women?"

I said, "Because that wouldn't be you and me spending time alone together."

He was confused, but we went out. That was almost a year ago. Now I go out with my Dad on a regular basis. I see him more now than I ever did in my childhood, and it feels very special.

A father is a role model in a child's life. For a son, he is a role model of what it means to be a man. If the father is emotionally and physically available to his son, he grows up with a warm, secure feeling. Unfortunately, our society dictates that men spend long hours away from home, and children grow to maturity without the emotional or physical presence of a father.

It has been estimated that fathers spend an average of 37 seconds a day with their infant sons, and one hour a day with their adolescents. These figures are for intact families. After divorce, 50 percent of adolescent children have no contact, 30 percent have sporadic contact and 20 percent see their father once a week or more. Average it all out and fathers spend approximately 10 minutes a day with their children. Samuel Osherson, in "Finding Our Fathers," says, "We have been sitting on a psychological time bomb within the younger generation of men and women now coming of age... I believe that the psychological or physical absence of fathers from their families is one of the greatest underestimated tragedies of our times."

Because of the workplace orientation of our society, boys who grow up in relatively healthy family environments are raised as rivals to prepare them for a life of competition in the real world of men.

In a family without a father's presence, that message gets distorted. The boy begins to look toward his peers more for life's initiations, for acknowledgment, and for validation. A 13-year-old boy is not necessarily the healthiest to validate an 11 or 12-year-old boy's behavior. In the cities in particular, we're finding initiations in terms of gangs of kids where rape or carrying a gun or stealing or taking drugs is part of the initiation. It's a very different initiation than a loving rather would give to a son.

By society's standards today, men who grow up without the presence of father believe they are leading productive lives. The reality is that we have to look at how they are defining success. If they're defining success by a good job, career progression or money -- yes, But if success is defined in terms of psychosocial and spiritual achievement, then the answer is no.

Alexander Mitscherly observed and studied fatherless men over the last 30 years. He discovered that when a boy did not see his father work, and did not spend time with his father, a hole, or a space, opened in the boy's psyche. This hole was not filled with a sense of his father being a white knight or a hero. It was filled with a sense of demons, of suspiciousness of older men, and of insecurity.

When a father is not present for a son, the son learns to be more dependent upon his mother. He carries this dependency upon women into his relationship when he gets married, and he is needy. This man, who is really not a man, but an old boy, psychologically speaking, is married to a woman from whom he requires a tremendous amount. He needs her to be his best friend, his lover, his confidant, his critic (if she does it right), his maid, parent to his children, his social director, and so on . Many times wives, like mothers, feel overwhelmed. They feel that their time isn't their own, their body isn't their own, and their mind isn't their own. In some cases. divorce is an extreme form of a woman seeking her individuality from a needy husband.

We have to do the work that our fathers never did. If our fathers were wounded by their fathers' absence, abuse or neglect, and they never addressed it, owned it, worked on it, or even talked about it, then in order to change the cycle, we must do some of these things. The father who works can share with his son that he wishes he could spend more time with his son. Most men would give their right arm to have heard that from their fathers.

At dinner with my Dad one evening, I shared with him some of the work that I'm doing with men, how men sacrifice their family life to work long hours to provide for their families, and give them what they never had. I went on to explain how their children grow up resenting it. He asked me if I was upset with him for working long, hours.

I said, "Yes! I was upset with you. I missed you. I wanted you to be around more. And when you were around, it was pretty clear to me that you had already given all you had at the office and there was nothing left for me."

He looked at me and said, "You know, I would have never thought of that."

I got the distinct impression that he was saying something else to me. He was saying, "I don't envy you and your generation because you're more of a generation of thinkers than we were. You not only have the responsibility of providing for your family, as we did, but you also want to be emotionally present. Good luck. I don't know how you're going to do it."

Yes, Dad, you're right. Doing it. That's our challenge.

Meditation - A problem ? Here are few tips to master it !

Learning to meditate is like a baby that is learning to walk. It is said that on average, a baby falls more than 100 times ( can't remember the actual figure..maybe 270 times?)before he or she can
walk.

So the question for you when you learn to meditate is... are you consistently practicing meditation until you learn to 'walk'. It took six weeks of practicing before it becomes a habit. That was more than three years ago. Nowadays, if I miss a day of meditation, the feeling is like as if I do not brush my teeth or take a bath. Want to know some simple secrets to mastering meditation for beginners?

Here are simple secrets to help you master meditation:-

Write down 200 reasons why you want to learn meditation.This will cause your subconscious mind to link meditation to pleasure. If you have less than 50 goals, do not start your meditation. Otherwise you will give up easily.

-Join a group or class. The mass energy of many people meditating will somehow transfer to you. In fact, because of such classes, I am able to meditate for two hours at one stretch.

-Take baby steps. Think big or dream big to set the direction and then take baby steps to execute your dream. Begin with one minute or 5 minute meditation for the first few days.

-Embrace or expect that for the first few days or weeks,your mind will wander about with other thoughts during meditation. This is acceptable, embrace it...just remember that you have learnt to walk before and that you fall many times before you can walk.Recall the smiles of your parents when you can walk the first time!

-Try this 'cheating method'...place a clock in front of you. It must have the 'seconds' hand and this hand must move continuously, not in steps. When meditating, watch this 'seconds' hand move. Focus on following it moving. Let it pass for one minute, then two minutes. If you can follow for two minutes, do this as frequent as possible through out the day. The next day, use the same clock and take not of the time.Then close your eyes and focus on your breathing.Open your eyes when you feel that you no longer can meditate. Take note of the time that has passed.Do this for the next few days and see if it helps.

-Use music! this is the most effective method for me and I use variations or many different music till this day. Classical or soft music or guided meditation are all excellent.

While some effort is required initially, you only need to learn once and the skills are with you for life.

India .... Marching Ahead....

1) http://pgportal.gov.in/ - Online Public Grievance Lodging and Monitoring System

The name says it all. It does not need any more explanation! !. Our government has given us a tool and let us make use of it !!.. I am sure we can bring in a positive change in our system if we all make use of such tools given by our govt.

2) http://indiarailinfo.com/ - Indian Rail Information.

Get ANY kind of information about ANY train - like schedule, fare, seat availability, list of available trains between 2 stations etc in less than 4 clicks!.. The ultimate feature of this site is that you can track a train's current position with the help of Google maps!..

India is definitely shining.. Let us all contribute our best to make it shine bright and shine for ever!!

June !4th - The Judgement Day

Howdy !

Petrol in Pakistan Rs17 per litre
Malaysia Rs 18 per litre
In India it's Rs.59 per litre

Why is there a difference within India itself? World Market CRUDE Oil is not the reason for this. It's all Gain for private owners? As we are the general public, or Common Man as R.K.Laxman wud hv said, we have to raise our voice, let's raise through internet.

Pass this message onto as many Indians as possible.

IT HAS BEEN CALCULATED THAT IF EVERYONE DID NOT PURCHASE A DROP OF PETROL FOR ONE DAY AND ALL AT THE SAME TIME, THE OIL COMPANIES WOULD CHOKE ON THEIR STOCKPILES.

AT THE SAME TIME IT WOULD HIT THE ENTIRE INDUSTRY WITH A NET LOSS OVER 4.6 BILLION DOLLARS WHICH AFFECTS THE BOTTOM LINES OF THE OIL COMPANIES. THEREFORE "June 14 th" HAS BEEN FORMALLY DECLARED "STICK IT UP THEIR BEHIND " DAY AND THE PEOPLE OF THIS NATION SHOULD NOT BUY A SINGLE DROP OF PETROL THAT DAY.


THE ONLY WAY THIS CAN BE DONE IS IF WE CAN FORWARD THIS ISSUE TO AS MANY PEOPLE AS WE CAN AND AS QUICKLY AS WE CAN TO GET THE WORD OUT. WAITING ON THE GOVERNMENT TO STEP IN AND CONTROL THE PRICES IS NOT GOING TO HAPPEN. WHAT HAPPENED TO THE REDUCTION AND CONTROL IN PRICES THAT THE ARAB NATIONS PROMISED TWO WEEKS AGO?

REMEMBER ONE THING, NOT ONLY IS THE PRICE OF PETROL GOING UP BUT AT THE SAME TIME AIRLINES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES, TRUCKING COMPANIES ARE FORCED TO RAISE THEIR PRICES WHICH AFFECTS PRICES ON EVERYTHING THAT
IS SHIPPED. THINGS LIKE FOOD, CLOTHING, BUILDING SUPPLIES MEDICAL SUPPLIES ETC. WHO PAYS IN THE END? WE DO!


WE CAN MAKE A DIFFERENCE.IF THEY DON'T GET THE MESSAGE AFTER ONE DAY, WE WILL DO IT AGAIN AND AGAIN. SO LETS DO OUR PART AND SPREAD THE WORD. LETS FORWARD THIS MESSAGE TO EVERYONE WE KNOW AND ALSO MARK OUR CALENDARS AND MAKE June 14th A DAY THAT THE CITIZENS SAY "ENOUGH IS ENOUGH"

We forward so many junk email to many of our friends, now let us do it for some useful cause to cut down the price of the petrol .. ....

REMEMBER : June 14 th

Couldn't anyone understand "DEADLOCK" ?

Boss said to secretary: For a week we will go abroad, so make arrangement.

Secretary make call to Husband: For a week my boss and I will be going abroad, you look after yourself.

Husband make call to secret lover: My wife is going abroad for a week, so lets spend the week together.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: I have work for a week, so you need not come for class.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, for a week I don't have class 'coz my teacher is busy. Lets spend the week together.

Grandpa(the 1st boss ;) ) make call to his secretary: This week I am spending my time with my grandson. We cannot attend that meeting.

Secretary make call to her husband: This week my boss has some work, we cancelled our trip.

Husband make call to secret lover: We cannot spend this week together, my wife has cancelled her trip.

Secret lover make call to small boy whom she is giving private tuition: This week we will have class as usual.

Small boy make call to his grandfather: Grandpa, my teacher said this week I have to attend class. Sorry I can't give you company.

Grandpa make call to his secretary: Don't worry this week we will attend that meeting, so make arrangement .

Hope this is enough to explain the deadlock terminology.

Positive Attitude - A good story

I remember my dad teaching me the power of language at a very young age. Not only did my dad understand that specific words affect our mental pictures, but he understood words are a powerful programming factor in lifelong success.

One particularly interesting event occurred when I was eight. As a kid, I was always climbing trees, poles, and literally hanging around upside down from the rafters of our lake house. So, it came to no surprise for my dad to find me at the top of a 30-foot tree swinging back and forth. My little eight-year-old brain didn't realize the tree could break or I could get hurt. I just thought it was fun to be up so high. My older cousin, Tammy, was also in the same tree. She was hanging on the first big limb, about ten feet below me. Tammy's mother also noticed us at the exact time my dad did. About that time a huge gust of wind came over the tree. I could hear the leaves start to rattle and the tree begin to sway. I remember my dad's voice over the wind yell, "Bart, Hold on tightly." So I did. The next thing I know, I heard Tammy screaming at the top of her lungs, laying flat on the ground. She had fallen out of the tree. I scampered down the tree to safety. My dad later told me why she fell and I did not. Apparently, when Tammy's mother felt the gust of wind, she yelled out, "Tammy, don't fall!" And Tammy did. fall.

My dad then explained to me that the mind has a very difficult time processing a negative image. In fact, people who rely on internal pictures cannot see a negative at all. In order for Tammy to process the command of not falling, her nine-year-old brain had to first imagine falling, then try to tell the brain not to do what it just imagined. Whereas, my eight-year-old brain instantly had an internal image of me hanging on tightly.

This concept is especially useful when you are attempting to break a habit or set a goal. You can't visualize not doing something. The only way to properly visualize not doing something is to actually find a word for what you want to do and visualize that. For example, when I was thirteen years old, I played for my junior high school football team. I tried so hard to be good, but I just couldn't get it together at that age. I remember hearing the words run through my head as I was running out for a pass, "Don't drop it!" Naturally, I dropped the ball.


My coaches were not skilled enough to teach us proper "self-talk." They just thought some kids could catch and others couldn't. I'll never make it pro, but I'm now a pretty good Sunday afternoon football player, because all my internal dialogue is positive and encourages me to win. I wish my dad had coached me playing football instead of just climbing trees. I might have had a longer football career.

Here is a very easy demonstration to teach your kids and your friends the power of a toxic vocabulary. Ask them to hold a pen or pencil. Hand it to them. Now, follow my instructions carefully. Say to them, "Okay, try to drop the pencil." Observe what they do. Most people release their hands and watch the pencil hit the floor. You respond, "You weren't paying attention. I said TRY to drop the pencil. Now please do it again." Most people then pick up the pencil and pretend to be in excruciating pain while their hand tries but fails to drop the pencil.

The point is made.

If you tell your brain you will "give it a try," you are actually telling your brain to fail. I have a "no try" rule in my house and with everyone I interact with. Either people will do it or they won't. Either they will be at the party or they won't. I'm brutal when people attempt to lie to me by using the word try. Do they think I don't know they are really telegraphing to the world they have no intention of doing it but they want me to give them brownie points for pretended effort? You will never hear the words "I'll try" come out of my mouth unless I'm teaching this concept in a seminar.

If you "try" and do something, your unconscious mind has permission not to succeed. If I truly can't make a decision I will tell the truth. "Sorry John. I'm not sure if I will be at your party or not. I've got an outstanding commitment. If that falls through, I will be here. Otherwise, I will not. Thanks for the invite." People respect honesty. So remove the word "try" from your vocabulary.

My dad also told me that psychologists claim it takes seventeen positive statements to offset one negative statement. I have no idea if it is true, but the logic holds true. It might take up to seventeen compliments to offset the emotional damage of one harsh criticism.

These are concepts that are especially useful when raising children.

Ask yourself how many compliments you give yourself daily versus how many criticisms. Heck, I know you are talking to yourself all day long. We all have internal voices that give us direction. So, are you giving yourself the 17:1 ratio or are you shortchanging yourself with toxic self-talk like, " I'm fat. Nobody will like me. I'll try this diet. I'm not good enough. I'm so stupid. I'm broke, etc. etc." If our parents can set a lifetime of programming with one wrong statement, imagine the kind of programming you are doing on a daily basis with your own internal dialogue.

Here is a list of Toxic Vocabulary words.


Notice when you or other people use them.

But: Negates any words that are stated before it

Try: Presupposes failure.

If: Presupposes that you may not.

Might: It does nothing definite. It leaves options for your listener.

Would Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen.

Should Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen (and implies guilt.)

Could Have: Past tense that draws attention to things that didn't actually happen but the person tries to take credit as if it did happen.

Can't/Don't: These words force the listener to focus on exactly the opposite of what you want. This is a classic mistake that parents and coaches make without knowing the damage of this linguistic error.

Examples:

Toxic phrase: "Don't drop the ball!"
Likely result: Drops the ball
Better language: "Catch the ball!"
Toxic phrase: "You shouldn't watch so much television."
Likely result: Watches more television.
Better language: "I read too much television makes people stupid. You might find yourself turning that TV off and picking up one of those books more often!"

Exercise: Take a moment to write down all the phrases you use on a daily basis or any Toxic self-talk that you have noticed yourself using. Write these phrases down so you will begin to catch yourself as they occur and change them.

DREAM is not what you see in sleep; is the thing which does not let you sleep

Simplicity --- Is it that important ?

"Things should be made as simple as possible, but not simpler." — Albert Einstein (1879–1955)

"You can always recognize truth by its beauty and simplicity." — Richard Feynman (1918–1988)

"Our lives are frittered away by detail; simplify, simplify." — Henry David Thoreau (1817–1862)

"Simplicity divides into tools, which are used by Beorma as Royal Highness." — Duke of Beorma (ca. 793-1150)

"Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication." — Leonardo da Vinci (1452–1519)

"If you can't describe it simply, you can't use it simply." — Anon

"Simplicity means the achievement of maximum effect with minimum means." — Koichi Kawana, architect of botanical gardens

"Perfection is achieved, not when there is nothing more to add, but when there is nothing left to take away." — Antoine de Saint-Exupery

What are all these great scholars are trying to say...

To Lead a simple way ? or to give up one's interest in life.. It might be a controversial thing for those who are young and energetic, as these would not easily accept to live a simple life, when they could do better being in a sophisticated life.

Well I did say the same thing when I was pooled into the gang of fresh blood, but off late I have started to realise that living a simple life is much more comfortable than chasing our great goals and ambitions.

So its up to one to decide what they are after... either economic and social goals or the spiritual goal ?

"Whatever joy there is in this world... All comes from desiring others to be happy; And whatever suffering there is in this world... All comes from desiring myself to be happy."

I have made the right choice to lead a simple life.... how about u ?

A Mouse Fable

A mouse looked through the crack in the wall to see the farmer and his wife open a package... "What food might this contain?" The mouse wondered - he was devastated to discover it was a mousetrap. Retreating to the farmyard, the mouse proclaimed the warning. "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!"

The chicken clucked and scratched, raised her head and said, "Mr. Mouse, I can tell this is a grave concern to you but it is of no consequence to me. I cannot be bothered by it."

The mouse turned to the pig and told him, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The pig sympathized, but said, "I am so very sorry, Mr. Mouse, but there is nothing I can do about it. "

The mouse turned to the cow and said, "There is a mousetrap in the house! There is a mousetrap in the house!" The cow said, "Wow, Mr. Mouse. I'm sorry for you, but it's no skin off my nose.But wish you well; be assured you are in my prayers "So, the mouse returned to the house, head down and dejected, to face the farmer's mousetrap-- alone.

That very night a sound was heard throughout the house -- like the sound of a mousetrap catching its prey.The farmer's wife rushed to see what was caught.

In the darkness, she did not see it was a venomous snake whose tail the trap had caught. The snake bit the farmer's wife.

The farmer rushed her to the hospital and she returned home with a fever. Everyone knows you treat a fever with fresh chicken soup, so the farmer took his hatchet to the farmyard for the soup's main ingredient. But his wife's sickness continued, so friends and neighbors came to sit with her around the clock. To feed them, the farmer butchered the pig. The farmer's wife did not get well; she died.

So many people came for her funeral, the farmer had the cow slaughtered to provide enough meat for all of them. The mouse looked upon it all from his crack in the wall with great sadness.

So, the next time you hear someone is facing a problem and think it doesn't concern you, Remember -- when one of us is threatened, we are all at risk. We are all involved in this journey called life. We must keep an eye out for one another and make an extra effort to encourage one another.

EACH OF US IS A VITAL THREAD IN ANOTHER PERSON'S TAPESTRY; OUR LIVES ARE WOVEN TOGETHER FOR A REASON.

One of the best things to hold onto in this world is a friend.

A FRIEND IN NEED IS A FRIEND INDEED